vida soraya's posts with tag: humor
Starring: Joco Sabio (sexy dancing!), Angel Aguinaldo (sexy saxplaying!), Paolo Javier and Aaron Co (sexy strumming!) and the rest of our blocmates.
Justice Nimfa Cuesta Vilches (our homeroom teacher) of the Ateneo Law School gets a surprise birthday party from the class of 1-E 2010.
venue: Room 109, ateneo professional schools. Import.flv (22.7 MB)
|  | If you can't play, display!
Photos by: Ipe Closa
Ateneo Loyola College Covered Courts |
| | Photos courtesy of Trish Zuñiga (http://goddesstrish.multiply.com)
El Madero (Mamamamamamadero, Madero... Daa Chupeta!) Resort ng uncle ni Geoff Bisnar sa Lipa, Batangas.
June 6-7, 2007 (huling hirit na summer shebang) |
Kung mayaman ka, meron kang "allergy"
Kung mahirap ka, ang tawag dyan ay "galis" o "bakokang"
Sa mayaman, "nervous breakdown" dahil sa "tension and
stress"
Sa mahirap, "sira ang ulo"
Kung mayaman ka, "pneumonia" daw ang sakit mo
Kung mahirap, "TB" yon
Sa mayaman, "hyperacidity"
Kapag mahirap, "ulcer" dahil walang laman ang tiyan
Sa mayamang "malikot ang kamay", ang tawag ay
"kleptomaniac"
Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay "magnanakaw" o "kawatan"
Pag mayaman ka, you're "eccentric"
Kung mahirap ka, "may toyo ka sa ulo" o "may topak" o
"may sayad"
Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay may "migraine"
Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay "nalipasan ng
gutom"
Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone who is "scoliotic"
Pero kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "kuba"
Kung ang senyorita mo ay maitim, ang tawag ay "morena" o "sun
tanned"
Pero kung isa kang domestic na maitim, ikaw ay "ita" o
"negrita" o "baluga"
Kung nasa high society ka at ikaw ay maliit, ang tawag sa iyo ay
"petite"
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "pandak" o "bansot"
Kung socialite ka, ikaw ay "pleasingly plump"
Kapag mahirap ka, ika'y "tabatsoy" o
"lumba-lumba"...pagminamalas ka,
"baboy"
Kapag mayaman, "fasting" ang hindi kumain
Kung mahirap, "nagtitiis"
Kung well-off ka at date ka rito, date ka roon, ang tawag sa iyo ay
"socialite"
Kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "pakawala" o "pok-pok"
Kung mayamang alembong ka, ang tawag sa iyo ay "liberated"
Pero kung isa kang dukha, ang tawag sa iyo "malandi"
Kapag mayaman, "misguided" o "spoiled" ka
Kung mahirap ka, "addict" o "durugista"
Kung may pera ka, ang tawag sa iyo "single parent"
Pero kung wala kang trabaho, ang tawag sa iyo "disgrasyada"
Kapag mayaman at sexy, "fashionable" daw
Kung mahirap, sigurado "GRO" o "japayuki" ka
Ang tawag sa mayayamang puro gulay ang kinakain, "vegetarian"
Habang kakaawa ang mahirap na " kumakain ng damo."
Sa exclusive school, "assertive" ang mga batang sumasagot sa mga guro
Pero pag ang mga mahihirap na bata ang sumasagot sa mga guro, ang tawag sa
kanila ay "bastos!"
Ang mayamang tumatanda, "are graduating gracefully into senior
citizenhood"
Ang mga mahihirap ay "gumugurang"
Ang anak ng mayaman ay "slow learner"
Ang anak ng mahirap ay "bobo" o "gung-gong"
Kung mayaman ka at marami kang kumain, you flatter your host who says,
"masarap kang kumain and I like you, you do justice to my cooking"
Kung ghastly peasant ka eating the same amount in the same house, your host
will say to himself na ikaw ay "patay-gutom"
Kung graduate ka ng exclusive school at sa ibang bansa ka nagtatrabaho, ang
tawag sa iyo "expat"
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "contract worker"
Kung boss ka at binabasa mo ito sa office mo, "okay lang"
Pero kung ikaw ay hamak na empleyado lamang, ikaw ay"
nagbubulakbol"...
kaya repost mo na agad ito dahil nasa likod mo ang boss mo!
(galing sa isang forwarded email)
 | 42% geek | Apr 21, '07 2:50 PM
for everyone |
sessile (SES-il) adjective
1. Attached directly to the base, without a stalk (as a leaf or a flower).
2. Permanently attached; immobile (as an animal, for example a barnacle).
[From Latin sessilis (relating to sitting), from sedere (to sit). Ultimately
from the Indo-European root sed- (to sit) that is also the source of sit,
chair, saddle, soot, sediment, cathedral, and tetrahedron.]
-Anu Garg (words at www.wordsmith.org)
"The history of seating is a serious subject... several books pay tribute
to what might be called great moments in modern chair history... here
is the bottom line on them. The archdruid, or should I say the chairman,
of the sessile sect is Alexander von Vegesack, the director of the Vitra
Design Museum, the major collection of modern chairs extant."
Raymond Sokolov; Staying Put; The Wall Street Journal (New York);
Dec 4, 1997.
Sessile: evidence of my high school closet-nerdiness and my lovely friends who moved on to MIT (Massachusetts, hindi Mapua), UCLA (California, not Pampanga), NUS (Singapore, not Sampaloc), UP and Ateneo for tertiary and graduate studies. In Ms. Jessamyn Yazon's Biology class, we would always have images of her elegantly perched on top of the table, explaining how barnacles have sessilized to their substrate.
After class, my friends and I would remain sitting in the Pisay Cafeteria, waving our hands in the air, mimicking marine polyps, crying out; "SESSILE, SESSILE, SESSILE!" The bell would ring and we would simply simply justify our chronic lethargy and immobility as having sessilized to the chair, our wooden substrate.
Presently, I believe I have sessilized to the computer chair in my underwear, downloading stock images, blogging and instant messaging, banging out a dozen e-mails or so as I desperately try to pluck out fibers of creativity from the gossamer webs of Cyberspace.
In other words, tinatamad akong magtrabaho, paksyet! I am sessile incarnate!
ELECTIONS 2007
While walking down the street one day, a Philippine
senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see
a high ranking official around these parts, you see,
so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the senator. "Well,
I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What
we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in
heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in
heaven," says the senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
and he goes down, down, down to hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a
championship golf course. In the distance is a
clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his
friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in formal evening dress.
They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce
about the good times they had while getting rich at
the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dined on
lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present was the devil, who really is a very
friendly guy, he was having a good time dancing and
telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that before the
senator realizes it, it was time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while
the elevator rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in
heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's
time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of
contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing
the harp and singing. They have a good time and,
before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and
St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in
heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers:
"Well, I would never have said it before, I mean
heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be
better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the
middle of a barren land covered with waste and
garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags,
picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as
more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
his shoulders.
"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday
I was here and there was a golf course and a
clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank
champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now
there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my
friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil smiles at him and says,
"Yesterday we were campaigning
...... Today, you voted!"
crude, albeit funny, youtube video of the Dead Kennedys song by Nicoteenager111. perfect for the moments when you feel like fighting the law (but strongly doubt that you'll win in the end). Import.flv (2.1 MB)
Link: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/264774"an astronaut travels to an alien planet to visit her boyfriend but discovers that it's under attack."
cuteness! i don't like bears but this flash animation's just something to land a smile on your face. i like the fact that the heroine is featured as the rescuer of an entire planet. hehe.
| | Pakitingnan ang picture bago basahin ang nasa baba.
Caption 1: "Judas comes early to betray Jesus."
Caption 2: "The shepherds had sheep and a goat as well."
Caption 3: "One of the three wise men rode on a dwarf camel on his
way to Jerusalem."
Caption 4: "If any of the gifts are missing, you know who to blame."
Caption 5: "And Mary says to Baby Jesus, 'Mary Magdalene is okey.
It's her you have to look out for.'"
Caption 6: "Herod was a queen, not a King."
Caption 7: "The one wearing trousers was a Roman Centurion out to kill babies."
Caption 8: Joseph—"Quick, Mary! My walking stick! A snake came slithering in!"
Caption 9: Mary—"That smiling donkey you made me ride on is an ass!"
Caption 10: "And the devil laughed upon seeing Jesus suffering His
first humiliation."
Pick your favorites, folks!
|
DAGLI SA KRISIS*
Trivia 'bout Diff'rent Universities, Colleges in RP
(Walang Pikunan. Joke Joke Joke Lang!)
NI ROLAND TOLENTINO
Mahirap Lahat
Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa St. Scho, mahirap sumakay sa LRT.
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.
Sa bayan, mahirap ang buhay.
Where To Go To College?
If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to UP.
If you have some brains and some money, go to Ateneo.
If you have no brains and lots of money, go to La Salle.
Pero kapag nagtaas na sa komersyal
na antas ang matrikula sa UP, kahit may utak ka kung wala kang pera,
wala ka nang mapupuntahan.
Christmas Spirit
A few
days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it would be a good idea if
he solicited the support of a number of the Catholic schools to get
together to create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas Mass. The
day before Christmas, the Monsignor discovered that the Nativity Scene
was still incomplete so he made a few inquiries on why this was.
So
Ateneo reported it would come up with only two and not three wise men.
La Salle reported it couldn't come up with even a single wise man.
Maryknoll reported it couldn't come up with a single virgin. San Beda
reported that it could only come up with three wise gays. UP reported
that they killed the three wise men.
Kung si
GMA ang tatanungin, nabili na niya ang tatlong hari para hindi siya
i-impeach. Kung militar, ay! tignan na lamang ang kulang sa 800 na
politikal na pinaslang.
At magbuhat ngayon, kahit hindi Pasko, tayo ay magbigayan.
Pasikatan ng Gradweyts
UP: A number of past Philippine
presidents graduated from UP. Presidents Roxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia
and Marcos, to name just a few!
Ateneo: Hah! That's nothing, a
number of Ateneo graduates became national heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen.
Gregorio del Pilar, Gen. Antonio Luna, Evelio Javier and many others.
UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates become presidents and lead countries while Ateneans end up getting shot!
La Salle: Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyt namin!
UP & Ateneo: Bakit, sino ba mga graduates ninyo?
La Salle: Aba! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts: si Gary Valenciano, Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsour del Rosario…
Paaralan ng Lansangan: Edgar Jopson, Emmanuel Lacaba, Lean Alejandro, Karen Empeño…. (idagdag ang iba pang pangalan).
How To Identify A La Sallite
Pumasok sa isang
tindahan sa Megamall ang isang La Sallite at nagsabi, "Miss, pabili nga
ng green parrot, please." Tumingin sa kanya ang saleslady at
nagtanong, "Sir, taga-La Salle ba kayo?"
"O, bakit mo naman
natanong 'yan? Kung umorder ba ako ng blue cheese ay taga Ateneo na
ako? I don't think so. Kung ako ba ay bumili ng maroon na t-shirt,
ibig bang sabihin noon ay taga-UP na ako? I think not. Kung nagtanong
ba ako ng red dawn ay taga-Paaralan na Lansangan na ako? Me thinks
not. Kaya bakit mo ako tinatanong kapag bumibili ako ng green parrot
kung taga-La Salle ako?"
"E sir," sagot ng saleslady, "flower shop kasi ito."
Paano Mo Alam Kapag Nakita Mo?
Sa isang malaking
party ng Philippine Society of Colleges and Universities, and Pangulo
ng Board ay nagtaka kung ano ang mga partikular na eskuwelahan ang
dumalo sa malaking selebrasyon. Kaya nagtsek siya sa pinagaganap na
bahay, at hulaan ninyo kung ano ang nakita niya at kung saan niya
nakita ang mga ito?
UP Diliman – ang lahat ay nakapila sa hanay sa attic para magkaroon ng fraternity ritual
UP Los Baños – nasa hardin at naggugupit ng damo
UP Manila – lahat ay "naka-droga"
Ateneo – nasa loob sila ng TV room na may mikropono at nagtsa-chant ng "Blue Eagle" spelling
La Salle – nag-uusyoso sila
San Beda – ang iba ay katabi ng Ateneans, ang iba ay katabi ng Paulinians
St. Paul – akala nila ay ang katabi nila ay taga-Ateneo
La Consolacion – gusto sana nilang maging Paulinians
Holy Spirit – gusto nila ang Paulinians
Miriam – katabi sila ng kwarto ng Ateneans, tulad ng dati
Assumption – nasa loob sila ng banyo tatlong oras na simula nang dumating sila
St. Scholastica – sila ang nakapilang kasunod na gagamit ng banyo
CEU – ang iba ay naghuhugas ng pinggan, ang iba ay busy na naglalaba
St Louis – lahat sila ay nasa harapan ng air con
UE – hindi nila alam kung ano ang air conditioner
UST – nakakalat sila sa bahay
FEU – wala sila sa bahay
MLQU – ay! hindi sila imbitado.
San Sebastian – paano sila nakalusot sa mga gwardya?
Letran – sila ang mga gwardya
Mapua – busy sila sa pag-ayos ng tulo sa bubong
TIP – sila ang nambato sa bubong kaya tumutulo
NU – nasa labas sila ng bahay at nagbebenta ng sigarilyo
JRC – sila ang bumibili ng yosi
Adamson – nagpunta na lang sila sa Luneta
Sta. Isabel – sila ang mga date ng taga-Adamson
UA&P – "para saan ba itong party na ito?"
PSBA – "ano ba ang UA&P?"
NCBA – "ano ba ang NCBA?"
AMA – pinaparada nila ang Jolina posters
Paaralan ng Bayan – nagmi-meeting sila sa kabilang kwarto, nagplaplano ng rally.
A Murder Mystery (to be solved solely on the basis of pure logic)
Sino ang pumatay?
Mga pinagsususpetsahan:
The Humble Atenean
The Bright La Sallite
The Innocent Maryknoller
The Unaffected Assumptionista
Ang Aktibista sa Klase
The UP Graduate
Ang maysala: The UP Graduate
Ang lohika: Wala namang humble na
Atenean, matalinong La Sallite, inosenteng Maryknoller, hindi
naapektuhan na Assumptionista, at Aktibista sa loob ng klase.
Bulatlat
------------------------------
(Ang maikling kolum na ito ay
nasa pormang dagli, na ginamit sa mga diyaryo sa panahon ng
kolonyalismo ng US sa Pilipinas. Ang moda ng dagli ay maaaring
dedikasyon, malasanaysay o malakatha. Maaari itong magkaroon ng lamang
pulitikal na siyang magiging palagiang laman ng kolum na ito.
)
The Laws of Anime (a tribute to my bs applied physics roots)
Version 6.0
Originally compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito
Read about the history of the Laws of Anime.
Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.
Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does
something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and
lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so
quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair
where the character gains much insight to the workings of society,
human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical
damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even
see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is
attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of
the brain.
Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either
still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red
or white).
Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the
'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different
angles.
Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first. Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive
substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the
most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick
City".
Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
Law of Energetic Emission
There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy
'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the
explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to
the Law of Inherent Combustability.
Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversely proportional to its size.
Law of Inexhaustability
No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm
increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the
'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of
the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down
from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad
Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open
field will always miss.
First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage. Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with
insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the
hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and
then escape. Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit
by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh
wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing
anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee
weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts
maneuvers.
Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.
Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes,
loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not
unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.
Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full
of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated
with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a
song.
Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't....
Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.
Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid
than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes
referred to as the Green Line Effect.) Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.
Law of Mandibular Proportionality
(from A. Hicks)
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
Law of Feline Mutation
(from A. Hicks)
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
- be female,
- will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation,
- and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.
Law of Conservation of Firepower
(from U. Williams)
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a
single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.
Law of Technological User-Benevolence
(from U. Williams)
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
Law of Melee Luminescence
(from U. Williams)
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess
and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This
aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is
attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than
Evil.
Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
(from U. Williams)
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
(from Spellweaver)
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any
amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse,
or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt
someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed
weapons!
Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
*ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.
Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of
whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with
an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped
to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off
the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a
shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower
Scene).
Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear
a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically
behind him.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime
characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not
need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow. Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.
Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an
instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple"
things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic
war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things
before.
Law of Quitupular Aggultination
(from Daniel Mikula)
Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it
tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which
are:
- The Hero/Leader
- His girlfriend
- His Best Friend/Rival
- A Hulking Brute
- A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
- Extreme Coolness
- Amazing intelligence
- Incredible Irritation
Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
(from Jason Bustard)
All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable
volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve
any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item
stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on
any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms,
power suits/armor, and large bazookas.
Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain
several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high
pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained
in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these
reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends
to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large
sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely
stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but
very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how
desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you
get.
Law of Nasal Sanguination
(from Ryan Pritchard and Jason Aylen)
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get
nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory
suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus
tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but
invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the
nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
Law of Xylolaceration
(from Lyndon Harris)
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
(from Erin Alia)
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia
There is no Law #43.
Law of Nominative Clamovocation
(from Luiko-Ysabeth and Adrian Hsiah)
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack
is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the
attack is announced.
Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
(from R. A. Hubby)
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or
how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a
mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to
interrupt it.
Law of Flimsy Incognition
(from Conrad Knauer)
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you
utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives. [stolen from a forwarded e-mail]
ayan, sabaw-sabaw muna. nakakatawa, sobra.
FA Wall:
"nobody cares"
somebody answered:
"not even the carebares?"
then another:
"not even kier?"
then:
"not even zoren?"
lastly:
"not even zorro?"
all written by different people.
AS:
AS chairs:
"push button to eject seatmate"
"push button to eject urself"
“push button to kill teacher.”
"push button to eject teacher"
....reply: "it's jammed! We're doomed!"
AS cubicle:
"Donate your bulbol here.." tapos may chewing
gum
na pagdidikitan. ...
AS chair :
“you know bobo? bobo is you!”
AS 1st floor CR:
“if you forget the past, then you porget the
purious..”
AS 1st floor CR uli:
“ Im a simple gay “
tapos me sumagot
“sira! Dapat ‘Im simple and gay!’ Taga peyups ka
ba? duh! “
tapos me sumagot ulit (with matching arrow pa na
nakaturo dun sa reply)
“sira ka rin! yung simple is used as an adjective
tapos yung gay is used as a noun. kaya ok lang
yung simple gay nya!”
CHEM:
Chem chair:
“push button to spray acid on prof’s face.”
Another chem chair:
“You Boron!!!”
BIO:
Bio chair:
"Push cadaver to haunt teacher.”
FO Santos:
“SA MGA NAGTATAPON NG BASURA DITO...
bawal.”
ENG’G:
Sa Men's CR, facing the urinal:
"Hawak ko saking mga kamay ang kinabukasan
ng bayan!"
Reply:
"the future you are holding is very small."
GAB:
sa likod ng armchair sa isang room sa GAB:
“takas ng ward 7”
sa math building, sa likod ng isang “teacher’s
chair” sa 3rd floor:
“BABALA: asawa ni babalu”
sa math 3rd floor, sa isang upuan uli.
"you'll NEVER find what you're looking for"
May nag-reply:
"find x."
sa math 3rd floor, sa isa pang upuan uli.
nakasulat sa armchair:
“F*CK DA WORLD! “
ta's may sumagot:
“F*CK U TOO!
--WORLD—“
3rd floor math cr:
"kaibigan, pagkapatos mong umihi, paki PLUS mo
naman, hehehe."
UPIS
sa loob ng music room.
“maam _______(music prof) boses palaka! “
tas may sumagot
“nakarinig ka na ba ng boses ng palaka “
tas may sumagot uli
“weh “
tas may nag-react uli
“oo, sabi kokak!kokak!”
VINZONS:
Wall ng vinzons
"Do not steal. The government hates competition"
men's cr sa Vinzon’s:
"remember: the hands that clean this toilet are
the same hands that cook your food."
men's cr waaaay above the urinal:
"if you can reach this, the fire department wants
you!"
NIGS:
sa isang upuan:
"f*ck nigs!"
may nagreply:
"who's nigs?"
MAIN LIB
Sa isang lamesa ng main lib, filipiniana section:
“UP STUDENTS HAS BECOME PATETHIC"
tapos may sumagot...
"mali pang grammar at spelling mo, halatang di ka
taga UP"
KALAI:
nietzsche-"god is dead"
God- "Nietzsche is dead!"
SC:
sa labas ng PNB:
“in case of emergency break ass and push butt”
sa girls’ CR:
“Bawal ang vandal Dito!...
Mommy said: First Aid Terramycin”
sa girls’ CR uli:
“My boyfriend and I had sex and now I’m pregnant”
Reply:
“Pray to God”
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